so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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