Well apparently he's into motor boating.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
