i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
