So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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