I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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