Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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