Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You work out of a Hotel?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is Oprah even human
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
