She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
