sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
