I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize