I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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