If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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