You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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