Tell her she can't have a vagina
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
