I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
