Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
