i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I touched a dick in church today
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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