can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i would punch a child for taco bell
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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