I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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