my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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