Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
