At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
