i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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