Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
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I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
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I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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