why didn't you poke me back
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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