my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I could make wine with my vomit
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
