In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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