Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
