I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
