i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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