I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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