Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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