Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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