I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she looked like the before picture.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
