just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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