she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
