Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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