I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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