You can't special order awesome
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
