O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize