His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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