Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Randomize
