The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
