went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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