Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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