Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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