i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
