dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
