i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
