Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
