I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
