An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
