guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
