he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
