i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
