My friends, they love my intelligence
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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