Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
