Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
