i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
