did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
