I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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