dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
