How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
