They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
