Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
