Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
