you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
