dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
