On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
