I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
