I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
