Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
